Parenting With Love, Limits, and Latitude

     I'd like to begin with a quote by Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1970, vol. 1, p.23). He stated, "Being sbject to law, and having their agency, all spirits of men, while in the Eternal Presence, developed aptitudes, talents, capacities, and abilities of every sort, kind and degree. During the long expanse of life which then was, an infinite variety of talents and abilities came into being". 

    From this teaching, we can derive that the way we interact with and react to our earthly experiences is surely influenced by our spiritual identity and gifts that were nurtured in the pre-existence. At the same time, many interests, qualities and behaviors also stem from biological influences of the parents.

     "These characteristics include tendencies towards inhibition or shyness, sociability, impulsiveness and "thrill-seeking" activity level, aggression, cognition and language acuity, behavior problems, emotionality, and religiosity (Borstein & Lamb, 2011; Hart et al., 2003; Eisenberg, 2006; Kuczynski, 2003, and Smith & Hart, 2011). President James. E Faust (1990) shared, "Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another". In order to rear our children in love and righteousness, we must focus on the gospel principle we learn of in the Family Proclamation, as well as "love, teach and guide them with an emphasis on teaching and preparing children rather than unrighteously controlling their wills" (Successful Marriages & Family). Dr. Glenn Latham expresses that any use of coercion, "to compel others to act or choose in a certain way ... to nullify individual will", "creates the image of expediency and efficiency, but it is only an image". 

    Some ways in which we can raise our children in love and righteousness are (Successful Marriages & Families):

• Love, warmth & support 
• Clear & reasonable expectations for competent behavior 
• Limits & boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
• Reasoning & developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits
• Opportunities to perform competently and make choices
• Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming and inflicting guilt
• Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values and attitudes 

    These examples model the most favorable parenting style: authoritative parenting. 

    "Children and adolescents reared by authoritative parents tend to be better adjusted to school; are less aggressive and delinquent; are less likely to abuse drugs; are more friendly and accepted by peers; are more communicative, self-motivated, and academically inclined; and are more willing to abide by laws. They are also more capable of moral reasoning and are more self-controlled" (Hart et al., 2003).

 

    To parent with love, we learn from Elder M. Russell Ballard (2003, p.6) that as parents, we must spend quality and quantity time with our children in order to nurture them properly. President Ezra Taft Benson (1990, p.32) counselled parents to "take time to be a real friend to your children". He encourages us to talk, laugh, joke, sing, play, cry, laugh, hug and honestly praise them. 

 

    Parenting with limits requires "discipline or correction to be motivated by a sincere interest in teaching children correct principles rather than merely to exert control, exercise dominion or vent anger ... authoritative parents are confrontive by proactively explaining reasons for setting rules and by administering corrective measures promptly when children do not abide by the rules (Successful Marriages & Families).

 

    Elder M. Russell Ballard (2003, p.8) declares that parenting with latitude involves "helping children learn how to make decisions which require that parents give them a measure of autonomy, dependent on the age and maturity of the child and the situation at hand. Parents need to give children choices and should be prepared to appropriately adjust some rules, thus preparing children for real-world situation". 

 

    I would like to conclude with this truth: "Living in harmony with proclamation principles maximizes the possibilities that children will make choices that help them return to the presence of God" (Successful Marriages & Families).