Social Policies To Assist and Bless Families and Children

    Michael M. Seipel, author of Chapter 28 In Successful Marriages and Families, Social Policies to Assist and Bless Families and Children, emphasizes the outlined duty in the Family Proclamation, "... We call upon the responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society". 

    Families under stress and needy families share a commonality: economic pressure. Low-income families lack access to health insurance and face increased financial risk due to debt. "In 2005, about 25 percent of people who earned less than $24,000 a year did not have health insurance, while less than 10 percent of the people who earned more than $75,000 had none (DeNavas-Walt, Proctor, & Smith, 2009)". "In 2008, the total consumer debt reached $2.57 trillion and the number of low-income households with credit card debt increased by 18 percent, the largest increase of any income group (Mintz, 2008)". Making low-income families a priority will allow parents to be lifted out of poverty and gain the resources necessary to care for their family's physical needs. As they are relieved from the worries and stressors of poverty, they will be able to focus on the spiritual and emotional needs of the family, while cultivating individual talents of their children that contribute in the maximization of their full potential. 

    Matthew 25:40 reads, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me".   How can we fulfill our religious duty to care for the needy and the poor? 

    Income security policies, such as living wage law, pension reform and asset-development policies can be of major assistance. Supportive tax structures, which include Earned Income Tax Credit and tax reform, will be supportive of the family unit. Strengthening Social Service Provisions. like the Family and Medical Leave Act and obtainable health insurance, can bring about positive changes. 

    To elaborate, in the year 2009, the "current minimum wage ($7.25/hr), for instance, full-time workers working all year long will earn $13,920 - far short of the $18,310 federal poverty guideline for a family of three" (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation, 2009). Acquiring a living wage law will permit low-income working families to cover the costs of running a home, pay for suitable health care, and overall, raise children. 

   In terms of tax reform, many adjustments can be beneficial. To start off, "personal exemptions and standard deduction should be updated to reflect inflation" (Successful Marriages & Families). Through this, the unfortunate will be below taxable income brackets altogether. Next, Earned Income Tax Credits should be applied, and "the credit should be refundable so that cash benefits are given to low-income workers, even if they don't owe taxes" (Successful Marriages & Families). Then, taxes should be raised on the highest income earners.

    While the Family and Medical Leave Act has encouraged family members to take needed time off due to a birth of a child or an ill parent, the reality of it being an unpaid leave is not favorable to low-income families. Altering the FMLA to a universal paid sytem would carry more value. Many benefits, such as fostering loyalty among employees and better health outcomes for new mothers, would bless the lives of so many families.

    Rick Riordan once said, "Fairness does not mean the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need". 

Marriage In The Later Years

    What are some of the challenges and opportunities that couples face in marriage in the later years? How can we manage these challenges and make the most out of those opportunities?

In Successful Marriages & Families, we learn the following:

• Empty nest: The natural process of launching children can cause strain and unveil marital difficulties for couples who allowed differences to cause distance and grow over time. Role transitions take place, especially for mothers. To manage this challenge, we can develop a partner-focused marriage. "Couples must draw together, rekindle romance and begin to redefine themselves as marital partners as well as parents or individuals". 

• Retirement: Retirement can bring the conflict of space and division of household labors if couples are not well-adjusted or do not prepare for this period. Retiring to something, such as a hobby or community involvement, can smooth this transition and add to marital satisfaction. 

• Physical decline: In the aging process, natural declines occur in mobility, memory, stamina, strength, sex functioning, and within the other senses. The challenge of accepting the changes that accompany aging can trigger what some of us know to be a midlife crisis. "Dealing with the aging process within a marriage requires providing encouragement and support as declines march on, and helping one another accept the changes that accompany aging". Broadening the definition of adult romantic love to include stability and serenity can positively contribute to this process. 

• Caregiving: Caregiving can involve caring for children, a spouse, or a parent. Couples in this stage experience demands on their time and resources. "Managing these difficult times in the marital life cycle with some sense of dignity will likely require all of the resources a spouse has developed over the years (such as wisdom and long suffering) as well as the consistent support of additional loved ones". Divine help will also be needed. 

• Loss of a loved one: Loss of a loved one can pertain to a child, parent, and even spouse. While grieving and sorrow are natural, even healthy, it can lead to distance and separation in marriage if partners fail to connect or bond during grieving. Couples that face this situation must work to find shared coping mechanisms that unite them. For a spouse that faces widowhood, a perceived strong marital connection, even after the death of a spouse, is associated with positive outcomes.

• Addressing old wounds: Marital disappointments need forgiving and healing. Two distinct processes entail such acts. Exoneration "means the victim can come to understand the frailties and humanity of the victimizer, without necessarily resolving the injury. Forgiveness means "the victim and victimizer are actually able to restore a loving and trustworthy relationship". When the victim permits the victimizer to exhibit trustworthiness and show love in an attempt to heal past hurt, the opportunity for compensation is being given. The overt act of forgiveness can also bring immense healing. During this process, "both the victim and victimizer directly address past wrongs and apologies are offered and received". 

    Aging brings the opportunity to gain perspective, wisdom and the ability to share life's experiences so others can learn from them. Increased discretionary time becomes a reality. Hobbies, interests, and projects can now be pursued. Another gift of aging is the ability to provide service in the community or for loved ones. 

    Maturing in one's marriage is a time of challenge, but it can also be a time of deep joy. As one approaches these challenges with commitment, tenacity and faith, they can be successfully confronted as a partnership. "The rewards of such "works of righteousness ... including peace in this life and eternal life in the world  to come" (D&C 59:23) are within the reach of all older couples" (Successful Marriages & Families) who are willing to give consistent effort to the application of principles that lead to a secure and loving bond in marriage. 

Should I Keep Trying To Work It Out?

    In Chapter 8 of Successful Marriages & Families, Should I Keep Trying To Work It Out? Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce, written by Alan J. Hawkins and Tamara A. Fackrell, the affects of divorce and when it should be considered are discussed. 

    The negative impact of divorce on children is seen in many ways. "Children who experience their parents' divorce are less likely to graduate from high school, go to college, or graduate from college once they start" (Amato, 2005; Wallerstein et al, 2000). "They are twice as likely to doubt their parents' religious beliefs and less likely to attend church services" (Marquardt, 2005). "They are at greater risk for early sexual behavior and pregnancy" (Woodward, Ferguson, & Horwood, 2001). "And they are much more likely to experience a divorce when they marry" (Wolfinger, 2005). 

    The spiritual counsel on divorce clarifies it's role associated with the doctrine of marriage and what we can interpret as just cause for divorce.

  

    Elder Dallin H. Oaks (2007, p.70) explained "Because of the hardness of our hearts, the Lord does not currently enforce the consequences of the celestial standard of marriage. He permits divorced parents to marry again". Elder Oaks (2007, p.71) also taught "when a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it".

    President James E. Faust instructs that although the Lord allows divorce and remarriage, the standard for divorce is still high. He shares, ""just cause" should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person's dignity as a human being". 

    Let's break this down. "The first part of President Faust's test is that only prolonged marital difficulties should lead a couple to contemplate divorce. By this we believe President Faust counsels that spouses should not seek a divorce without a lengthy period of time to attempt to repair or reduce serious problems" (Successful Marriages & Families). If personal safety is an issue during this period of repair, then a separation is likely necessary as the possibility of repentance, forgiveness and change is determined. 

    The second part of this test is an apparently irredeemable relationship. "By this this we believe President Faust means that there appears to be little hope for repairing the marital relationship. This determination requires that sincere and sustained efforts have been made to understand and fix the problems" (Successful Marriages & Families). We are urged to do all that we can to protect our marriage.

The third part of this test, the destruction of human dignity, emphasizes that the relationship has "deteriorated to the point that it threatens to destroys the dignity of one or both spouses. By this we believe President Faust means that the marital problems have become serious enough over a period of time than an individual begins to lose his or her sense of worth. Although this may be a difficult standard to discern, certainly abuse or repeated infidelity can threaten a victim's sense of worth" (Successful Marriages and Families). Feelings of unhappiness or being unfulfilled does not meet this standard. These are to be motivators to change what needs improved in the marriage. 

    Secular perspectives depict that one should allow time for deciding about divorce. "A study that followed divorced individuals wished they had worked harder to try to overcome their differences" (see Hawkins & Fackrell, 2009, 65-74). "A study that followed divorced individuals over a long period of time found that in 75 percent of divorced couples at least one partner was having regrets about the decision to divorce at least one year after the break up" (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002). Trying to solve problems before deciding to divorce can be vital in preserving your marriage. "Research shows that a high percentage of people who say they are unhappy in their marriage, but persevere for several years, later report that their marriages are happy again" (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). 

    The best course of action to take is to seek divine help, among other necessary actions, such as talking to a bishop or counselling. "Whatever sincere actions are taken, we know that a loving God will support those efforts to help couples preserve a union that is essential to his plan for the eternal welfare of his children. And if those efforts ultimately prove unfruitful, then couples know that they have done all they could to honor a relationship ordained of God" (Successful Marriages and Families).