Marriage In The Later Years

    What are some of the challenges and opportunities that couples face in marriage in the later years? How can we manage these challenges and make the most out of those opportunities?

In Successful Marriages & Families, we learn the following:

• Empty nest: The natural process of launching children can cause strain and unveil marital difficulties for couples who allowed differences to cause distance and grow over time. Role transitions take place, especially for mothers. To manage this challenge, we can develop a partner-focused marriage. "Couples must draw together, rekindle romance and begin to redefine themselves as marital partners as well as parents or individuals". 

• Retirement: Retirement can bring the conflict of space and division of household labors if couples are not well-adjusted or do not prepare for this period. Retiring to something, such as a hobby or community involvement, can smooth this transition and add to marital satisfaction. 

• Physical decline: In the aging process, natural declines occur in mobility, memory, stamina, strength, sex functioning, and within the other senses. The challenge of accepting the changes that accompany aging can trigger what some of us know to be a midlife crisis. "Dealing with the aging process within a marriage requires providing encouragement and support as declines march on, and helping one another accept the changes that accompany aging". Broadening the definition of adult romantic love to include stability and serenity can positively contribute to this process. 

• Caregiving: Caregiving can involve caring for children, a spouse, or a parent. Couples in this stage experience demands on their time and resources. "Managing these difficult times in the marital life cycle with some sense of dignity will likely require all of the resources a spouse has developed over the years (such as wisdom and long suffering) as well as the consistent support of additional loved ones". Divine help will also be needed. 

• Loss of a loved one: Loss of a loved one can pertain to a child, parent, and even spouse. While grieving and sorrow are natural, even healthy, it can lead to distance and separation in marriage if partners fail to connect or bond during grieving. Couples that face this situation must work to find shared coping mechanisms that unite them. For a spouse that faces widowhood, a perceived strong marital connection, even after the death of a spouse, is associated with positive outcomes.

• Addressing old wounds: Marital disappointments need forgiving and healing. Two distinct processes entail such acts. Exoneration "means the victim can come to understand the frailties and humanity of the victimizer, without necessarily resolving the injury. Forgiveness means "the victim and victimizer are actually able to restore a loving and trustworthy relationship". When the victim permits the victimizer to exhibit trustworthiness and show love in an attempt to heal past hurt, the opportunity for compensation is being given. The overt act of forgiveness can also bring immense healing. During this process, "both the victim and victimizer directly address past wrongs and apologies are offered and received". 

    Aging brings the opportunity to gain perspective, wisdom and the ability to share life's experiences so others can learn from them. Increased discretionary time becomes a reality. Hobbies, interests, and projects can now be pursued. Another gift of aging is the ability to provide service in the community or for loved ones. 

    Maturing in one's marriage is a time of challenge, but it can also be a time of deep joy. As one approaches these challenges with commitment, tenacity and faith, they can be successfully confronted as a partnership. "The rewards of such "works of righteousness ... including peace in this life and eternal life in the world  to come" (D&C 59:23) are within the reach of all older couples" (Successful Marriages & Families) who are willing to give consistent effort to the application of principles that lead to a secure and loving bond in marriage.