Young Adulthood & Pathways To Marriage

    In Successful Marriages & Families, Chapter 1: Young Adulthood & Pathways to Marriage, we learn of how marriage is no longer a priority or a milestone in adulthood as it has been in the past. Other accomplishments, such as financial independence and career advancements are determining the direction in which a young adult will go. This has influenced the rise in average age that individuals get married, which has been pushed to later in life as opposed to young adulthood.

    Jason S. Carroll shares insights as to how a new period experienced between adolescence and adulthood, "emerging adulthood (Arnett, 2000)" has occurred. "Emerging adulthood takes place when young adults have not yet entered into the commitments and lifestyle patterns of married adult life. This raises the important question: What kind of impact does this period of extended singleness have on adults' preparation for marriage and family life? (Successful Marriages and Families)" 

    Jason. S. Carroll indicated that some of the drawbacks from a modern dating and courtship culture with a lack of socially defined norms, rituals and relationship milestones are: pessimism about marriage, getting ahead before getting wed, hanging out and hooking up, and acceptance of cohabitation.

    In pessimism about marriage, Jason S. Carroll expresses that "pessimism about marriage and wariness of divorce among emerging adults is creating a culture of divorce preparation rather than a culture of marriage preparation." This leads to a young adult's need in thinking about oneself and actively choosing to live out the "single life" before getting married. Carroll references a recent study, where "more than half of young adults today rank having “fully experienced the single life” as an important criterion to achieve before getting married (Carroll, Badger, Willoughby, Nelson, Madsen, & Barry, 2009). 

    Getting ahead before getting wed can be understood as prioritizing one's own personal interests over formation of a marital relationship. In order to nurture our understanding, Jason S. Carroll connects us with another recent study, where we learn that "a considerable proportion of emerging adults reported that to be marriage-ready they not only needed to be financially independent from their parents (91 percent), but they also needed to be finished with their education (43 percent) and settled into a long-term career (51 per-cent) (Carroll et al., 2009)". This differs from life in the past as these financial goals were accomplished during married life, and are now desired to be accomplished prior to getting married. 

    Hanging out and hooking up reflects on how "young women and men more often “hang out” rather than go on planned dates. Young adults often report finding that even when they have been hanging out with someone over a period of time, they still do not know if they are a couple ... Even though premarital sexual behavior has been shown to be a significant risk factor for future marital success (Heaton, 2002), single life in modern culture has become synonymous with sexual experimentation in non-committed relationships" (Successful Marriages & Family). 

    Acceptance of cohabitation ties into the growing belief of young, emerging adults that cohabitation prior to marriage is a good way to avoid divorce. Using research to further expand, "Studies on cohabitation and later marital success have consistently found that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not cohabit before marriage (Jose, O’Leary, & Moyer, 2010)". 

    Knowing the dangers of our modern and decomposing dating and courtship culture, we can competently prepare ourselves by enacting the "becoming" approach to dating. The becoming approach centers on "personal readiness, maturity, and growth (Successful Marriages & Family)." It emphasizes becoming ready for marriage and committing to marriage once that choice has been made. Other factors that strengthen our progression towards marriage are our ability to love and communicate. 

    In finding a "Choice Eternal Companion", Jason S. Caroll advises readers on what to consider when finding such a mate:

• When one should seek to get married
• Whom they should seek as a marriage companion
• How to date in ways that will most likely lead toward the formation of eternal marriages

 Elder Richard G. Scott gave us some insight into the first principle: "Throughout your life on earth, seek diligently to fulfill the fundamental purposes of this life through the ideal family. While you may not have yet reached that ideal, do all you can through obedience and faith in the Lord to consistently draw as close to it as you are able. Let nothing dissuade you from that objective". This means that there isn't a specific age or time to get married, but it is a goal that we should work toward so we can be ready when that time comes. 

    We learn in Successful Marriages & Families to be weary of the concept of soul mates versus eternal companions. A belief of soul mates can lead us into having unrealistic expectations, and not knowing how to respond when those expectations are not met. One will be going on a life-long search if we believe that the person we marry has to be perfect. "Even among Latter-Day Saints, soul mate beliefs can be lead to unrealistic expectations about marriage. In one study, Latter-Day Saint marriage counselors listed "unrealistic expectations of marriage or spouse" as the most frequently reported issue they encountered in their work (Stahmann & Adams, 1997)" (Successful Marriages & Families).

    President Spencer W. Kimball once said, “The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it. . . . One cannot pick the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned (1969, p. 242)”. 

I invite all the readers to prepare now with the end goal in mind, in order to create the marriage they dream of. 

The Eternal Family

     As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that families are of an eternal nature. As indicated in The Family: A Proclamation to The World, "Marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his children". God is eternal, and because He so dearly loves His children, the plan of happiness includes "family relationships being perpetuated beyond the grave" through sacred covenants and ordinances made in the temple. Families can be sealed together, and united eternally.

     Let's first look at the plan of salvation. In Successful Marriages and Families, Daniel K. Judd explains that in the "pre-mortal period, a grand council was held where God, our Heavenly Father, presented the plan of salvation (Moses 6:62) to all of His children (Abraham 3:21-18 and Moses 4:1-4)." During this council, many doctrines were presented to us, including the eternal family. We learned that the plan of redemption required a Savior to take upon him the pains, sins and sicknesses of God's children (Alma 7). This permitted every physical being that was to sin and die to eventually, through repentance, return and live in the presence of God. The plan of salvation gave way for it's divine purpose: "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). It is through this plan that we are able to fulfill our sacred missions, such as a being a son, daughter, sister, brother wife, husband, mother or father.

     One of the building blocks of the plan of salvation is the doctrine of the Creation. As we were created to reflect His image, families were also created to reflect how the family existed in the pre-mortal world. In Successful Marriages and Families, Daniel K Judd quotes Joseph Smith's teaching: "Man, as a spirit, was begotten and born of heavenly parents, and reared to maturity in the eternal mansions of the Father prior to coming upon the earth in a temporal body". From this, we can grasp the resounding truth that we have heavenly parents, and that we are "spirit offspring of God" (Successful Marriages and Families).

    As spirit offspring of God, we were endowed with a divine gender. We are spirit sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father. Our gender is "an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose" (the Family: A Proclamation to The World). President Lorenzo Snow instructed that "As man now is, God once was; as God now is, man may be". This teaches us that as sons and daughters of God, we have the divine potential to become like Him; and only through becoming a mortal man and woman can this potential be reached. 

     The Fall of Adam and Eve made learning and growth feasible through the experiences we acquire here on Earth. If we had remained in the Garden of Eden, we would have never known the true meaning of joy as we would have never experienced the alternative - the bitter. Life in the Garden of Eden would have been stagnant and without purpose. 2 Nephi 2:25 highlights the precious outcome of the Fall: "Adam fell that men might be, and man are that they might have joy". While many religions view the Fall a negative event, we know the Fall to be vital in the bringing forth of physical life and fulfilling a commandment our Father in Heaven so boldly declared: "The first commandment God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force" (The Family: A Proclamation To The World, 1995). 

    Successful Marriages and Families calls attention to a teaching from the prophet Lehi, which expands on this doctrine: "And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the Garden of Eden ... all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after were created, and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery, doing no good, for they knew no sin". The Fall brought our agency to light, and thus, constantly gifts us with opportunities to choose good over evil within our own families and marriages. 

 The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the greatest love story ever told (Richard Chau). His Atonement makes "the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of our bodies, and eternal family relationships possible" (Successful Families and Marriages). A sacred teaching from the Savior demonstrates to us how truly loving God and the Savior enables us to form a Christ-like love for our families: "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these (Mark 12:30-31)". 

    The Atonement of Jesus Christ is an immeasurable blessing in families. The Atonement has the power to heal hearts and bring families together by the means of repentance, forgiveness, faith and the direction of the Holy Ghost. 

     I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father's divine and intricate plan of happiness. I am grateful that through my understanding and application of the Plan of Salvation, the Creation, the Fall of Adam and Eve and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, my family can be eternally united and experience true joy. 

My Eternal Family